I'm a guinea- pig who loves to ride horses. But yesterday I fell off one and scraped my arm. Everyone tells me to quit, but I refuse. I am not going to give-up my favourite activity. What do you think I should do?

Yours truly,

Determined

Wear a shirt with long, thick sleeves. Also, maybe ride a slower horse.

Yours Sincerely,

Mrs. Carrot

Can you teach me to shake?

Hopefully,

Mrs. Ballet

I am not the advice columnist, but the answer is YES. Practice shaking every morning. Just remember, practice makes perfect.

Start shaking NOW,

Mr. Shake

I am a hairless guinea-pig and I am very skinny.  I look nothing like my friends and they all say that I look like an alien.  They all laugh behind my back and it hurts my feelings.  I can't help that I have no hair - I was born this way - but can I somehow grow hair?  Also, I am skinny because my brother is very fat and eats most of the food.  He just laughs at me when I ask him to share.  What can I do?  How can I feel normal?

Signed,

Hairless in Guinea-pig Land

If your friends are laughing at you, they aren't true friends. You should find some new friends who make you feel good about yourself. As for growing hair, you can't grow hair. No skinny pig can grow hair. If you feel self-conscious about it, though, I suggest wearing a wig. Ask your parents if you can have a separate mealtime - different than your brother's - it will probably help.

Good Luck,

Mrs. Carrot

P.S. Unless you are a kind of skinny pig called a Baldwin, you will have a bit of hair on your nose.

I live with a pig.  She eats everything:  food, my bed, my wallet and everything inside of it - once, she even ate the entire roof off my house!  I am constantly needing to buy new cars since she doesn't fit into any of the old ones since she is way too fat!  What should I do?

Yours truly,

Living with a pig

Move out and send your friend to the "Biggest Guinea Pig Loser". That's all the advice I have.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Carrot

I have some advice for you: brush your hair. If that doesn't work, try some styling gel. Otherwise, you may be a kind of guinea pig with frizzy hair called a boucle.

Sincerely,

Ms. Carrot

How come you said it is a rotten apple?

Signed:  Anonymous

It is a rotten apple because it is a really terrible movie. So there!

Signed,

Ms. Poppy

P.S.: Don't ask any more silly questions.

I am a short haired guinea-pig named Scarlet.  All of my friends have long hair and they always ask me why I don't grow my hair long too.  They say if my hair was long we could all wear ponytails.  I told them that I try, but it just won't grow!  I was thinking of putting in hair-extensions, but my mom said no.  How can I grow my hair long?

Sincerely,

Scarlet Short-Hair

I'm sorry, Scarlet, but short haired guinea pigs can't grow their hair long (I know this because I'm short haired, too). If one of your friends is really smart, though, ask them to invent a hair-growing potion.

Good Luck,

Mrs. Carrot

I am a American guinea pig and I always say I'm from America. My friends say I'm from the Andes Mountains! Are they right or not?

truly,

confused

Your friends are right (though you may have been born in America) . You do come from the Andes Mountains (well, at least your ancestors did). I advise you pay more attention in school - especially in history class.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Carrot

There are 3 reasons why this might be happening:

1. Your friends are pulling your hair out when you're sleeping

2. You are going bald (I certainly hope not)

3. You are extremely ill

My advice is to see the vet. They should be able to figure it out.

Best of luck,

Mrs. Carrot

It is very frustrating when your roommate is a "pig", but I can help. If you clean up his things for him, he'll learn to leave his things for you to clean up.  Next time your roommate makes a mess, leave the mess alone. In a couple of days, the mess will be so big and stinky that he'll just have to clean it up.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Carrot

I am an Abyssinian guinea pig whose claws are hurting my skin.  Are they trying to turn against me, like my sister, or is it a health problem that I need to fix?

Yours truly,

Claws on Paws

You probably just need to trim your claws. When they get too long, they will curl up and dig into your skin, which can hurt. If trimming your claws does not stop the pain, go see the vet.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Carrot